Horizontal Pressure

All you men
standing around me with your greedy eyes
and leery suggestions
which you keep repeating no matter how many times I say no
no matter how I say no
you’re turning me into something I don’t want to be
on so many levels
that I didn’t even know all of them existed
before they started shifting
being undermined by the massive pressure
to change shape and mind
stop being human
stop being sentient
stop having will
becoming an object

And I am kicking and screaming
desperately clawing at the whitish slime of your
personality-less expectations of me
which is slowly rising
threatening to drown me out
trying to worm its faceless way into all my crevices
to take over my body from within
change me into what you see me as

And I choke on the salty slime
as it is forcing its way deep down my throat
in and up
from beneath and behind
blocking me out
impaling me
rendering me speechless
debilitated
a mindless bundle of basic flight instincts
with nothing else to communicate
and this part of me that used to make me proud
suddenly just makes me want to throw up
and I kneel before you as I puke
acknowledging that your will is the stronger
you have done it
you have managed to turn my own sexuality against me
with your blank non-acceptance of my humanity as a woman

And I wipe the vomit from my mouth and turn into bitch overdrive
defending my right to my body with an ancient anger
I never knew I possessed
and which is now possessing me
taking over all other parts of my personality
making me into a non-being
a tiny little point of wrath
intent on destroying before I am destroyed
exchanging the inviolatability of my soul
for the inviolatability of my body

I no longer know which makes me the bigger whore
and I no longer care