Sun Burn

The unaccustomed intensity of the sunrays searing my skin
bleaching my hair til it’s broken and brittle
the heat like a heavy weight
grasping my sun sore shoulders with unfriendly hazy hands
holding me down
quiet and immobilised
stifling my breath
forcefully attempting to overpower me
painfully
making my thoughts slow and sluggish
their subject matters alien to this dry red land
and seemingly more and more foreign to myself

I’m getting lost
the unspoken message from ancestors not mine
being that I must lose myself
or lose my fragile foothold between the coarse yellow weeds
choosing to be ungrounded and uprooted
disconnected
not quite touching base for so long
that I fear I shall wither from the lack of kindred spirits
or even the lack of their insubstantial substitutes
behind roughly carved wooden masks frozen in unknown expressions
that selling my soul to whatever stirs under the cracking soil
might just about conjure up from between the dust and pebbles

I look at my isolation and am slowly starting to question
if the price of being myself under this unforgiving sun in its foreign sky
is too high
at the same time sadly wondering
why these thoughts no longer scare me as much as they should
I arrived in search of any new kind of adventure
and found myself unwilling queen of the outcasts
unelected leader of the lawless - again
reluctantly rising to my omnipresent birthplight of rebelling against all limiting structures
in the end of the day my soul is not mine to sell to the traditions of others
no matter how much I want to get out of the line of fire
no matter how much I want to find a place to belong